"delivered in to eat" doesn't make sense. "to eat delivered" would be more appropriate. The reply from Ellie says "go to sleep them" when it should be "go to sleep then " "It looks like it is going to start pouring any minute" The inclusion of "it down" is unnecessary and gives the sentence a weird and awkward flow. There is something disjointed in the way this conversation is structured. Referencing "the leads" rather than " I'm looking into some leads" makes it feel as the leads are a predefined set of specifics that you have already discussed with Lydia, which really isn't the case. Also saying "and to check everything regarding" instead of "and checking into everything regarding" feels awkward. Again with the inclusion of "it down" which doesn't really work and makes no sense to a native English speaker. Missing the word been in this sentence "He could have been seeing" Because Ironstar is an entity it would get the third person usage in this sentence... so it should be "seems to be" not just "seem to be" Ironblast is an entity, but a singular one so it would still get the use of singular and not plural forms of words. In this case it should be "and Ironsblast is in financial difficulty" not "are in financial difficulty" "Not bad advice" "looked like him being ripped off" "That's quite a big difference" "I'll have a look at that later" The use of off and out in the sentence doesn't work. It would be either "You're off again?" or "You're headed out again" but not a mixture of both. "Ellie could be on to something" Again "off out" makes no sense.