"Oh" should be capitalized as it is the only word in the sentence. In the article it should read "and are appealing to anybody" Missing question mark at the end of this sentence. Wrong contraction here. They'll means they will, when it appears that you were going for there will which would be there'll. Missing the word "the" between "of" and "public". Seems like the wrong character card associated with this statement, as the lady just thanked the MC for taking it so well, it would only make sense for this sentence to have been said by the MC and not the lady. Missing the word "that" between "now" and "I'm". This is the character card for the shopkeeper from the convenience store. Should be the character card for the bar tender. This sentence should read "I was hoping you would ask" or "I was hoping you'd ask". " Knew he wasn't making it" "Very funny " Should be "gets" not just "get". "Normally Metropolitan gets them all". The "as" makes no sense in this sentence. " A convenient lie , or something much more complex is at play" "Someone" not just "some" "You can'y make someone love you". Missing question mark at the end of this sentence. Missing the word "do" between "to" and "with" Missing an end time for the date. "between about 6 and <some time>, she" Couple missing words. Should read "She was just a cunt for him to fuck and use for his pleasure, and that made you mad". I recommended the changes from makes to made as well, simply because if they are trying to establish motive at the time of the crime, it would be past tense and not present that they would use.